How to not join a militia
Dear T,
Sometime around 2020 I got the itch to join a militia. We’d only recently escaped Seattle and been pretty worried about the country; so I figured if things went to hell I’d like to be connected to somebody tough. Anybody organized on the right wing, especially, so I hit the internet looking for somebody like the Proud Boys. I never found anything like them.
What I found was Ada County’s Light Foot Militia. Their webpage didn't smell like Al Qaeda and lacked anything even remotely kooky, so I drove about 30 minutes out and down a short and dusty road to some kind of a large warehouse or barn with folding chairs and a podium and I waited for people to show up. The most surprising thing was the demographic. They were all white without exception, of course; but they were old — nearly all 50 to 70 years of age, respectably dressed and slightly rural. No street fighting for us then, I guess. What the hell were we there for then?
The meeting picked up with a prayer in front of the flagpole — the usual stuff you’d find at a church 4th of July picnic, with a real pastor asking for guidance for the President, and protection for the country etc. With that we all said amen and took seats and the meeting began.
The meeting wasn't disorganized, by any means, but there couldn't have been more than 40 people, and it had a very informal feel to it. The leader of the group, and probably the oldest one there, gave a little introductory speech about how the Light Foots aren't weird or a hate group, and how militias are legal in Idaho, since every able-bodied adult male between the ages of 18 and 45 is technically a member of the Idaho militia anyway (a specious argument, it turns out, since State Representative Joe Palmer is trying to legalize private militias right now). Anyhow, he said this made the Light Foots constitutional. Which is exactly the kind of thing you’d say at a legitimate gathering.
What was so nice about the Light Foots was how they weren't weird. There was no sense of the refuse-of-humanity you’d get with Antifa or BLM, and almost all the Light Foots had the appearance of being quality people — hearty, well adjusted, and probably with lots of grandchildren. There was the typical sense, common among right-wing organizations, that the world was going to hell — but I would argue that it is, and this is the feeling everyone gets when he's trying to hang onto something beautiful anyway. The universe (minus God) is out to steal everything from you. So why not the New World Order too?
Speaking of which, one older man, who I think was promoting his book, was there talking about the New World Order (or something like it) and their plans for North America. I can't remember anything he said; but whatever it was, his theory was less crazy than what actually happened to us over the next two years, and is still happening right now*. So that makes him a pretty positive guy, overall. Another man, one of the only “younger” people in the group, probably around 40, was dressed and bearded like Fidel Castro; and despite being inside, he never took off his aviator sunglasses. He gave a speech on situational awareness and almost put me to sleep.
So far this was pretty tame stuff overall, but the meeting was coming to a close and the man running things was taking questions. Here we got into the reason I showed up. What do the Light Foots do? It turns out our local Light Foot Militia (which is part of a national group) had been training to deal with gangs the past few years, but I wondered what exactly we were supposed to do about them (I’ve since been told, by a police officer, that Idaho has one of the worst gang infestations in the states, per capita). It turns out others were wondering too. What’s a group of white grandpas going to do about a gang? Especially when few or none of us were officers?
He said we would be focusing on small unit tactics instead from now on, running off into the desert to learn how to caravan, learning to use weaponry, and other such things. Where we'd head in a caravan during a meltdown was never actually discussed; and neither was whoever we'd be fighting. The main thing was, would we be ready if we had to run — or fight? The great mystery to me was what one small unit of old men could possibly accomplish, or what territory they would actually defend, or what their end goal would actually be. But I suppose this can-do spirit is what makes Americans so beautiful in the first place.
We had bigger fish to fry anyway. I finally spoke up and asked what small unit tactics would be for when the real issue was clear: leftists had been rioting in our cities and threatening American families all year, by that point, and we needed somebody to stand up to them. Another woman agreed, and mentioned that she was personally in Boise when the Black Lives Matter protests happened, and said several of her friends had been doxxed and harassed by Antifa.
I seconded her concern, and told them how Seattle fell apart over a decade, and mentioned we needed a new slew of tactics to deal with these leftists — from ways to get in and out of cities without having our cars tracked, to covering our faces, to counterintelligence: a few of our men dressed as leftists, for instance, ready to track their operatives and conduct retaliatory doxxing operations. We needed to know who their leaders are, and what they’re planning, and how to file reports to the police. We needed video recordings of protests too, from multiple angles. And we needed above all else to know what our rights are in a street fight, and whether the police would even be on our side.
These measures were agreed on, at least by the few “younger” people in the audience; but then things took a turn. They said membership was down since Obama left office, but they’d heard other militias had been infiltrated by leftists and they didn't need commies trying to ruin the group, or getting military training and then spreading it to other leftists. So the Light Foots had to keep their reputation intact. IDs would have to be collected, assuming anybody wanted to go training, and background checks would have to be run.
This obviously meant mine, and background checks cost money, and I started wondering how the Light Foots could be any good to me if my neighborhood went up in flames. So I shook some hands and beat feet and never went back. For all I know they probably wondered if I was a leftist in disguise, or a Federale. But I think about them every so often, and I wish these good Christians and patriots the best. They may come in really handy some day, but I hope we’ll never need them to.
Yours,
-J
P.S. I assume that by this point the Light Foots’ numbers have swelled considerably, and that the ranks are now filled with younger and beefier types. Not an insult to the elderly when I was there, though: the fact that so many grandparents had been there, faithfully, despite their aches and lack of energy, is a testament to their goodness — and how even if they aren’t the best fit for the job, they remain there, watching the walls, when everybody else is off watching TV.
So maybe they weren’t the Proud Boys. But what’s more noble than a man who can’t fight anymore — but still stands there anyway, with his gun, whether times are good or bad, ready to defend the women and children? And even if they’re old now, they weren’t at one time; and when we were in our cribs they were still standing guard, and we’ll always owe them for it.
*A quick overview of how insane things are right now.
I got an email from The New York Times a short while ago about George Santos — a new legend in the Republican Party**. He’s apparently facing investigations for lying during his campaign; but I only noticed the headline because I thought it said George Soros, who should be facing investigations for lying about the police. The Daily Mail reports that Soros sent 3 million dollars to “defund the police” movements, ostensibly because the police are murderers; and the “defund the police” movements proceeded to let Americans get murdered. He currently faces zero investigations.
Of course George Soros won’t be prosecuted by the FBI because he practically owns part of Wall Street. Santos is being investigated because he lied about being on it. One of them fibbed about himself to get ahead; the other lied about policemen to get our country torn down. One of them is a clown and the other one is a villain. We investigated the clown and turned the FBI into a circus.
And it has been for some time. Despite black-on-white crime being exponentially worse than its reverse, the media told us white people go hunting for black people, our cities were torn down, and nobody was held accountable. Alex Jones, on the other hand, is paying a billion dollars because he said a few shooting victims were crisis actors.
Pfizer also lied about how ineffective and dangerous the vaccine is, and nobody has gone to jail, or even to trial. But the FBI is investigating Ticketmaster over Taylor Swift’s new tour issues.
Sam Bankman-Fried, who has been accused of 1) laundering war-money we sent to Ukraine, and 2) sending that laundered money to Democrats during a campaign season, was arrested hours before he was to testify before Congress. Still no mention of him ever testifying, and the FBI raided journalist James O'Keefe over Ashley Biden's stolen diary. Worth mentioning here is that James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas has been filming powerful people, usually on the left wing, admitting illegal things for years now. Aside from an occasional piece from Fox News, he's almost entirely ignored by Big Media. Andrew Tate was arrested in Romania, though, and his opinions are "offensive,” so he was on the news for a week.
But allow me to continue.
To Catch A Predator, a show about catching individual perverts, aired for four whole years. Ghislaine Maxwell's trial, about pimping underage girls to the richest people in America, was sealed up, and Johnny Depp's marital problems were put on TV instead. The attorney general of the Virgin Islands wanted to prosecute J.P. Morgan for helping Maxwell with human trafficking. Then right after she announced the prosecution, Joe Biden flies to the Virgin Islands and the attorney general gets fired for "no reason.”
Hunter Biden's crime-ridden laptop was buried by the FBI during his dad's campaign, and Donald Trump's tax returns got published against his will. The Proud Boys, whose primary mission is defending cities from Antifa, were arrested and shut down; but the FBI has publicly admitted they don’t currently track Antifa.
Probably the biggest story of the year, The Daily Mail reports that the FBI and CIA have many operatives at the highest levels of Google, Facebook, and Twitter, and that we’re effectively living in a giant psy-op. This means they control which political issues you see and which ones you don’t. But The New York Times didn't care about it, and sent me an email about how raccoons are kinda like high school students instead. We have to go to other countries’ papers to find out what's happening in our own country. We can expect justice from the system except when it involves anybody in the system.
**How legendary is George Santos? He said he's married and he isn't. He said he worked with JP Morgan and he didn't. Then he said his mom was in the Twin Towers on 9/11 when she wasn't. Then He said his grandparents barely escaped the Holocaust when they didn't. Then he said four of his employees were killed at the Pulse Nightclub shooting and they weren’t. Then in a final stroke of comedy he set up a GoFundMe for a homeless veteran and took the money. Does he belong in jail? Maybe — but he definitely belongs in Congress.